walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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