woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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