i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The uberlube is also flammable
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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