vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
