shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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