The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
