508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Two words: nipple clamps
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