I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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