woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
