We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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