Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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