Non-Jews are for practice
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
where does the pee come out of this thing
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize