Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
