i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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