Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
