so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
