Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
