four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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