Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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