Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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