the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
