you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
