Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
