Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
