Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
