just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize