At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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