so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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