Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
