OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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