dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
