I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
