doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
