You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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