either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
