Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
