i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
