You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
