Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
