So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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