i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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