we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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