After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
