remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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