you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
