He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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