I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
