I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
