someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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