whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
