Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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