This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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