is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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