I heard we made out
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
