The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
