Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
