I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
