Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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