I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
