i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
