Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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