Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
