For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
