I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
