I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
