you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize