Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
