so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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