I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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