just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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