You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
