he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
