She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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