I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
