Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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