Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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