yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
