I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
