Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
