I wish life had little blips of pornography
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
