that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
