don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
