im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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