We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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