I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
