my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
