Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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