For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
