so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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