cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
