I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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