So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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