I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
