I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
