I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
