Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
