You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
