Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
