I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize