U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
