And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize