Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
