I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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