you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
