when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
